Behind all the pretty pictures, I wanted to share a few candid reflections on the past three months. In general, we loved having a sabbatical from work; it helped us become human beings again instead of mere human doings. And we learned a few things about extended travel as a family. So if you’ve ever considered a sabbatical or big family trip, here’s what I’d say:
Go for it.
At first, I wrestled with the extravagance of a three month holiday – the expense, the luxury in a world where so many lack basics. But as the sabbatical continued, I realized how Western culture is off-balance about work in general. So many of us are overworked and never detach. Perhaps this is because much of our identity and self-worth is tied to our jobs. It was a relief to shed all that and just be present to family and to new places. Your kids are only young once.
Do it full stop.
No emails, no meetings, no work planning, no serious books. You’ll find your mind and soul returns to a kind of simplicity you may have only known in childhood.
Watch your horizons expand.
I never realized the stinginess of North America hospitality until I went to restaurants in Greece. Nor did I recognize how much traffic lights inhibit our driving until I mastered driving circles in the UK. Lily said she “used to believe Victoria was a big city until I saw London and Paris.” Now she appreciates the green spaces of home more than ever. During our travels, four or five new business ideas came to me – ones I don’t plan to pursue but that were fun to imagine – and they only came to mind by encountering human creativity in another culture.
Sabbatical does not magically solve family issues.
Our daughters had some delightful moments dancing together on sandy beaches, playing Jenga in a cafe, listening to audio books on long drives. My sincere hope was that they would grow in affection towards each other. But this hope was not really fulfilled. They bickered nearly every day just as they do at home, and this was the most exhausting part of the trip.
Mix it up.
A month into the trip we finally figured out we didn’t need to be together all day every day. Early on we planned activities all of us would enjoy together. But we learned that it was sometimes easier for one parent to go off with one kid, or one parent to take both kids and leave the other in blissful solitude. Once we sorted that out, the times we did have together as a family improved. Relatedly, the few moments Anna and I had for a date – a tasty dinner in Pythagorio, drinks at a café in Paris, or hitting up a pub in London – were highlights. It was hard to work those in but worth it every time.
Expect some loneliness.
It didn’t come right away but at about 3-4 weeks into the trip, each of us was feeling lonely. Our home in Victoria is usually buzzing with people, and while it was a relief to be on our own at first, eventually we sorely missed friends. Seeing old friends in London and making new friends at Focus helped with this. If we had to do it again, we would have loved to have another family join us part of the time.
It’s lovely to live on less.
We carried everything we owned all summer, so we couldn’t buy anything big. And our suitcases arrived nearly full, so there wasn’t much room for small things either. This made shopping simple, reducing the number of “can we please PLEASE get this” requests from our girls. And other than the UK, most on-the-ground expenses were reasonable. Living out of a suitcase for three months also showed me that you can live on a lot less than you think. There was almost nothing I missed from home.
Trust Rick Steves.
There are lots of European guidebooks out there, and endless “10 best things to do” articles online. Much of this literature is biased, but Rick Steves was a reliable and honest guide from start to finish throughout Europe.
Stop and savour.
We loved living without a fixed schedule. It let us linger in conversation, in prayer, and in places we loved. I edited photos and wrote posts for this blog about an hour most nights. It was a helpful way to process the stunning places we visited and remember people we met. The creativity was meditative – helping me enter more deeply into what I had already experienced – and only felt like a burden when I got several cities in arrears. It also help me realize that I am fundamentally wired for creativity.
In the end, we are immensely grateful for what have been three of the best months of life. Did it change me fundamentally as a person? Perhaps. But I am certain I won’t ever regret this time – even some of the harder, melt-down moments. Adventure is almost always worth it.
